Allrighty then, still with me? Here we go. JAKE: I don't see why I have to do this.
DANI: Of course I have goals! Here, I have them written down in my logbook. Let me find the page... got it!
RED:
GUARDIAN DEREK STONE: Well...guess I'd say...
WALDRICK: Kill the stupid spider... I am disowning you, Malwort. LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!
FIONNULA CORALBROOM: Go away! How dare you speak to me? (Followed by a horrendous, eardrum-piercing shriek and the start of a chant, which can't be good, so we quickly egressed.) LADY BRADFORD (AKA GREAT GREAT AUNT RAMONA): Keep the children safe and let them have as normal a life as possible, under the circumstances... So that's what they all said! And they told us to wish you a very Happy New Year, and so we shall! May the new year bring you much good fortune, health, happiness, and success in all your endeavors.
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Hi Everyone! E here... JAKE EVERTON is an Earl. He inherited the title from his father, who in turn inherited it from his father, who inherited it from his father, and so on. Do you know where an EARL fits in in the whole British system? If you are anything like me when I was a kid, you have no idea. Growing up a typical American kid in the 70's, I never gave much thought to the British Aristocracy and their tradition of separating people into classes. It was so far removed from my reality that it might as well have not existed at all. Of course I had heard or Kings & Queens, but that was really about it. A "Count" was not a ruler of people, but a neck biter of people. And a "Baron" was just a WWI fighter pilot with a really COOL scarf. There is actually a lot to this ranking system. I will just give you the basics. And only focus on Victorian England since that's Jake's time period. "CHOP CHOP the King!" Kings of the past had total power. Kings could do and say whatever they pleased to whomever whenever. They were the TOP dog. Of course there was no king in Victorian England, so that power belonged to Queen Victoria. She and her husband Albert had nine children. The girls would be addressed as Princess Firstname, and the boys would all be addressed as Prince Firstname, but the boys would also hold the rank of royal dukes, which meant they are assigned to inherit a large estate and property from which the rents collected are supposed to support them. You would address all kids of the Queen as "Your Highness," EXCEPT for the next one in line to become the ruler, who is addressed "Your ROYAL Highness." Only the firstborn gets the "royal" treatment. ;) In most cases, for those below the royal family, an aristocrat's title was originally doled out by some long-dead King for a common man's act of bravery, valor, loyalty, or some other (not always honest!) favor that the man had performed for the King. (King Henry VIII - the guy eating the turkey leg - was infamous for giving away titles to various corrupt dudes who helped him carry out his nefarious deeds.) After the Monarchy came the land-owning class. Title & land were passed from father to son. More on that little nugget below. But first, the titled aristocrats in order of rank are: 1 - Duke and Duchess ("Your Grace") 2 - Marquess and Marchioness ("My Lord/My Lady" for this and all the rest.) 3 - Earl and Countess 4 - Viscount and Viscountess 5 - Baron and Baroness There were also honarary titles given to commoners by the King or Queen, namely Baronet & Knight. Both Baronets and Knights are addressed by "Sir" Firstname (like Sir George the ghostly baronet in the Lost Heir.) The title of Baronet is passed from father to son, as in the upper ranks,, but the title of Knight (or Dame, for a woman) had to be earned, and the title dies with its owner instead of being passed down to the next generation. Originally, knighthood was given to great warriors who had proved themselves loyal to the king. Nowadays knighthood is given to all kinds of people, like business moguls, scientists, and artists. (Sir Sting, Sir Mick Jagger. Bono was offered a knighthood too but I can't remember if the Irish rebel rocker turned it down or accepted.) This system of passing down titles is called primogeniture. Primo as in "first" and geniture meaning "birth." Why did they do it that way? Well, aristocratic families had a lot of money, property, and power, and assigning the main chunk of the inheritance to the firstborn male meant that laws were in place determining who among all the brothers and sisters would be the "boss" of the next generation when they all grew up. It was always the oldest boy. That way, they felt there would be less fighting among the siblings over the family's fortune when they grew up. The big brother couldn't refuse to be the Heir even if he wanted to--though he could be a greedy jerk and refuse to share the family's wealth if he didn't want to. However, such behavior was considered very "dishonorable" - and as you know from reading the Lost Heir, honor was extremely important to everyone in the 19th century. Being the heir came with a lot of responsibility. You see this even today in England with Prince William being always kind of nice and tame, well-behaved and dutiful...and then there's Prince Harry. *g* The wild one. This is a classic pattern for aristocratic/royal families in England, btw, as is Prince Harry's military service. Younger sons of the aristocracy traditionally went into either the military or the church. The firstborn brother would know he had to make sure that his siblings were ok financially when their parents passed away. Note that other than the military and the church, as mentioned, the aristocrats rarely got what we would call a job. They were gentlemen and ladies of leisure, living off the interest of their fortune in the bank; they also had business investments and were landowners who rented property to others. Why not divide the property and riches up among all the brothers and sister equally? you may be wondering. Well, they tried that system in Continental Europe, such as in France and Spain. The result was not so great for the families that tried that. Their lands and fortune got divided up into smaller and smaller pieces with each new generation--and not everyone in the family had the right temperament for managing a large estate and being responsible with the money. So some of the brothers and sisters would inevitably squander it. Oftentimes, under this "fair share for all" system, within a few generations, the money was gone and the once-grand aristocratic family ended up on the same level as their merchant-class neighbors. So the British saw that and stuck with the Primogeniture system, as it seemed to them the best way of keeping the great family fortune intact, concentrated under one guy's authority - HOWEVER that guy was responsible for making the family's money grow (like a money manager!) and not blowing it, so that the clan would continue to prosper for future generations. Not that he had to keep the books himself - they usually had "gentlemen of business" who advised them - but the eldest brother, as title-holder, got the final say on those big financial decisions. In the meanwhile, you may be wondering why the titles never went to the firstborn daughters? Well, SOME families actually took steps to get special permission to pass their titles down to firstborn girls - just like Queen Elizabeth is today in England, and Queen Victorian was in her day - both firstborn daughters next in line for the throne! But it was more the exception than the rule. Since that's a topic for a whole 'nuther blog post - or several - let's just say for now that in those days, women did not have the same legal status as men. Well that's my brief explanation of the British Aristocracy ranking system. If I had to choose, I would want to be a Baron. There's just something about that scarf:) How about you?
Sir E! All of the greatest inventions of the Victorian period were on display at THE GREAT EXHIBITION of 1851. Queen Victoria herself kicked off this "Invention Convention" at the crystal palace in London's Hyde Park. The awe inspiring gathering took place 25 years before Jake was even born, but an event like this captures the creativity, innovation, wonder, and majesty (pun intended) of the era. The spirit of events like this were our inspiration for Archie's glider from THE LOST HEIR and many other surprises that you will see in JAKE AND THE GIANT. There were over 100,000 exhibits! Including fancy security locks, a power printing press, a pre fax machine, an early camera, a voting machine, various farm machines, an electric telegraph, a gas cooking stove, improved guns, and new musical instruments. George Jennings installed the first ever public toilets for visitors to the convention. He called them "Monkey Closets" and charged one penny per person. As you can imagine, people were REALLY excited about the monkey closets and lines were long. I guess before 1851 people just had to hold it all day long. Sounds dangerous:) Well, by the end of the exhibition, 827,280 people paid a penny to use the new toilet. FYI, Thomas Crapper (real name, not kidding) is often cited as the inventor of the toilet. Not true! He was in-fact a plumber in Victorian times, but he only improved upon it's design. I'm really thankful to these guys, but really, Ewww! Moving on... Then there was the Tempest Prognosticator. What a cool name for a Victorian invention! Live leaches were used to check barometric pressure (for weather prediction). It involved grumpy, agitated leeches striking a bell. The more times and the faster they struck the bell, the more serious of a storm was approaching. How on EARTH did someone come up with THAT? It just makes me go HUH? Anyway, it was proven to be accurate. Have you ever invented anything? What should be invented? E, who is still waiting for his flying car:)
A Mighty Pigeon Prototype?G: Well "E", It's that time of year again. The last few days of summer break are quickly passing us by (boo hoo!), and on Monday you will have a new slew of kids sitting in your classroom anxiously waiting to find out what they're in for on their first day of school this year. G: Let's see - I bet they're soooo happy summer is over and it's time to start learning again. NO REALLY. *g* I predict that they will be sitting up nice and straight, pencils in hands, notebooks open, quite as can be, ready to write down every word you say. E: Huh? You do remember I teach MIDDLE school? Here are MY predictions. Let's see... * Someone will throw-up from nervousness before period 1 (and of course a custodian will clean it up with that bizzare powdery sustance). * There will be food thrown across the cafeteria in period 3. * The building will smell like milk by period 6. * There will be a minor fight over something someone posted on facebook during period 8 (usually over a girl). * A cell phone will ring in my classroom period 10 (big no-no!) * And during last period (period 11) someone will fart in class and think it's the funniest thing ever. G: Ewwww!!! E: Oh yeah, lets not forget that I also predict that at least a dozen kids will be standing in a line at the office with a slightly bewildered look on their faces calling their parents to come pick them up because they missed the bus. WELCOME to the Middle School. :) G: Sheesh! But even with all that, I can tell you're ready to go back. E: Yeah, I am!. There is a lot of energy at the middle school. You never know what might happen from day to day, and believe me something always does. Now don't get me wrong, It's been an amazing summer (best ever) with the release of THE LOST HEIR and it's success. We did so many activities, spent time with so many great people, visited some really cool places, but, yeah, I guess i'm ready, it's time. I bet you're looking forward to having ME out of your hair! G: NO COMMENT (smiles). Do you get nervous having to talk in front of all those students in your class? I would be! Are YOU going to be the one throwing-up by period 1? hehe E: Nah, I've been doing this too long to get nervous. I guess i'm feeling just excited. I usually have some trouble sleeping the night before. I'm sure some of our visitors can relate. BUTTERFLIES ANYONE? G: Perhaps you have some advice for middle schoolers who might be feeling a little nervous about the first day of school? E: Hmm, let's see... Ok, guys, first off, go to bed earlier each night, starting tonight! Get your body used to getting up earlier so you are not totally in shock when the alarm goes off at 5:00am on the first day of school. G: Whoa, I haven't seen 5:00am in years! Is it even light out? E: Sure, rub it in. Grrr! E: Also, make sure you are fully ready the night before. That means supplies, bookbag packed, any forms filled out, clothes ironed and ready, etc. Don't scramble in the morning! That makes for a bad day. You want to be relaxed. G: Who irons anymore? You're so 1985 Dear. E: Funny! Oh yeah, and boys, shave off the freaky mustache that you have been growing all summer long. Trust me, no 13 year old looks good with a "Trash-Stash." No exceptions! Shave it! Go! Right now! G: I have too agree with that one. Boys, "E" is spot on. Every guy looks much better without it, and my husband is speaking from experience. I think that's why I never see any pictures of him from High School. SAD. Ha ha! Don't worry, "E" I'll never mention your secret teenage attempts at a moustache. I think you had like, what, eight, nine hairs going there? LOLOL. E: :/ G: Aww, ya know I love ya. *g* What about the girls. Any advice for them? E: Girls, use some common sense in the footwear department, would ya please? If you have been wearing flip-flops all summer, what do you THINK is going to happen if you wear 4 inch heels to the first day of school? G: HUH? Hey, I hardly ever wear 4 inch heels and I'm GROWN. Girls, wear flats as long as you possibly can in life. BE FREE. Well, since I ribbed "E" for the Trash Stash, this is where I speak from idiotic experience. I'm terrible with shoes. I buy beautiful shoes then never wear them because once I take them out of the store and want to wear them for real, they magically turn into torture devices. Usually at a wedding or a party or some event I had long anticipated. So I finally get to go, and within half an hour, I've got blisters on my feet, trying to hide the fact that I'm limping and in so much pain that all I want to do is scream. Not fun!!! G: Anything else for Day 1? E: Couple of more things. Bring a pencil with you. Sheeesh! Face facts, people, summer is over, and you will need to write some things down while you are at school. I can't tell you how many students on the FIRST day of school over the years have asked me to borrow a pencil. That makes YOU look like a scatterbrain. Not a good first impression. In-fact, bring 2 pencils! And, by the way, if you are lost or confused about anything on the first day, don't be shy, just ask a teacher for help. We want to help you! It's in our nature. G: That's good stuff "E". While we are on the topic, any sort of general Middle School tips? Not necessarily just about the first day. E: Just a couple of things come to mind. Make a commitment to yourself to avoid GOSSIP right from the beginning of the school year. Nothing good comes from gossip, EVER! Try to get involved in something. Whether it be band, sports, student council, etc.... And DON'T do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. You're too young. No dating till you are at least 16. Ugh! G: You sound like my Dad!! That was the rule in our family, too - for me and my 3 sisters. E: Now, I may be biased on this one, but you should ALWAYS have a book with you. There is usually some time in the day (for example study hall or homeroom) where you are expected to just sit there and not talk. For some of you who are hyper like me, it can be torture. It feels like you are in prison. Time just creeps along. A good book will save you. You will actually start to look forward to the down time in your day so you can get back to your book. May I make a reccommendation? How about THE LOST HEIR by E.G. Foley! Trust me you'll love it:) G: Pretty slick there, "E." He's right, though. Lots of good books to choose from! E: Also, it's a great idea to keep a DayPlanner handy at all times. Write down all of the important things that must get done and when they are due. I don't know any successful people that don't have some type of DayPlanner. E: Most of all, STOP worrying about what other kids think of you. Who cares! Not everyone is going to like you. So what! That's true for every single person on this earth, not just you, so don't feel bad. It's normal to come across people now and then that we don't really click with. It's ok, don't get bogged down in it. Just move on. Focus on the kids who do like you and forget about those that don't. Remember: Your AWESOME! Just watch Andysun below and he'll tell you all the reasons why!!! (funny!!) Enjoy... Let us know how you're first week of school went. Anything unusual happen that you would like to share? See you next Friday, and Good Luck!
"E" & "G" Foley The 1970's was the heyday for the American lunchbox. An era of lunchbox exceptionalism. A time when a kid didn't merely HAVE a lunchbox to transport food. Nay, nay! That would be too simple. A lunchbox was a symbol of adolescent individuality and a commitment to personal freedom. A lunchbox spoke volumes about who you were as an 8-year-old. The right lunch box could either make or break the 3rd grade. That's a lot of PRESSURE on a kid!
My lunch box was Star Wars. I remember it well. I loved Star Wars. THE ORIGINAL! None of the sequal movies could compare in my opinion. I collected all 12 of the original action figures. My brother and I even had blow-up light-sabres that we would hit each other with. Yes, I can still make a Wookie sound:/ So, what sort of a "statement" is an 8-year-old in 1977 making with a Star Wars lunchbox. Hmmm? It said that I liked action. That I sought out adventure. That I was a young boy, like Luke Skywalker that could achieve anything in life, even though I was from a humble beginning. That perhaps I could some day, if I drank all of my Tang, ate my Wheaties every morning like decathalon champ Bruce Jenner (aka Kim Kardashian's dad), and spent the 10 cents to get the secrets of how to look like Atlas and not get sand kicked in my face, that I could get the girl and save the world from turning to the DARK side. OR who knows, maybe It was just the only lunchbox they had left at Woolworth's. The inspiration for this blog came from The Lunchbox Museum in Columbus GA. Adults: do you remember being a part of the lunchbox heyday. Which one did you have? Which one do you wish you had? What does it say about you? Kids: Do you or did you have a lunchbox? Or if all this is before your time, which lunchbox would have picked if you went to school with us in the Groovy 70's? Have a great week everyone! "E" |
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